Friday, July 10, 2009

Taking a leap into the unknown + college nerves

So I went to see my nutritionist today. I just came back from a 4 day vacation during which I had really no say in any of the food I ate (except for my snacks) and had to eat "off plan" due to the fact that I was in China, and eating Chinese food at every meal. I ate well and made it through the trip no problem, so my nutritionist decided it was time for me to bring some of the lessons from my vacation back home. This week, I have to eat at least one full day "off plan"- no counting exchanges, measuring, nothing. I have to listen to how my body feels. Of course, I knew all along that this was the ultimate goal, but it still seems daunting. On my meal plan I eat (and am hungry) six times a day... how will I stop myself from eating too much at any given meal or snack? I can use my plan as a guide... I know that 1 piece of toast isn't a good breakfast, nor is an entire loaf, but my BODY will be making a new plan, and one that I have to follow.

Despite my nervousness, I'm also really excited. I haven't listened to my body in 4 years. I spent far too much time ignoring both my hunger and fullness signals. For the past 5 months, I've been eating "normally" but now I'm starting to eat MY way. Listening MY preferences, cravings, schedule, and body's needs. And, in the end, that is the goal, isn't it?

On another note, I'm getting nervous/excited/anxious about going off to college in just SIX WEEKS. While I'm thrilled about the independence, I'm intimidated by the fact that I will have to make decisions on my own and live with them. What if I choose classes that are too hard? What if my roommates think I'm obnoxious, loud and annoying? What if I don't make friends? What if I can't balance studying and having fun? There's all these what-ifs, and they all scare me. It seems like so many things could go wrong. But, then again, I'm only looking at the negatives. There are so many things that could go RIGHT. What if...
My roommates and I become really close and all get along well?
My classes challenge and interest me, with some that push me harder than others?
I find a great group of friends with varied interests who support me?
I think its the last one that's most important. I feel if I have support- genuine, kindhearted support, I can deal with any of the other what-ifs. I just have to remind myself that I have NO REASON to think I won't find friends. I have tons of awesome traits (as well as some quirks, let's call them) and if I can accept myself as I am, I'm sure many other people will be able to as well.

Has anyone else experienced similar anxieties about either of these issues? I would love to know!

x Ellie


  1. thanks so much for the comment on my blog!

    Sounds like a lot is going on- learning to trust your body is hard after so long of ignoring it. I have very similar fears, but you know what? It's a learning curve and a necessary step in recovery... Your body does not what it needs and WILL tell you- it just takes time to trust it and see that if you eat a bit more/less one meal, it will ask for something different the next time it needs fuel. Have faith and remember it's a process/journey.

    As for college, I think 99.9% of people have the exact same fears. I am guessing that very view look on the flip-side of the "what-if's" and see that positives may come. I guess there are worst case scanrious and best case scenarious and the most LIKELY scenario is somewhere in between.

    So happy to have found your blog!

  2. I can really relate to the anxiety of going off a meal plan. But, remember it is just one day and then you can go back to your plan. Think about how well you did in China (btw, that is awesome that you were in China) and that nothing "bad" happened from eating more flexibly and intuitively.